Want to know the top tips to help you develop positive relationships in your life? These are the best 9 tips to help you have positive relationships and ditch negative behaviors that cause relationships not to flourish!
If you are going to live a fulfilled life, it must be full of positive relationships. They do not just come to us though, we must work toward them. The responsibility for the type of relationships we have is ours alone.
In this post, you are going to receive the most helpful advice for developing each friendship and relationship in your life into a positive one! At the end, you will be equipped with the top 9 tips for developing positive relationships. As you become the type of friend everyone wants to have, you will gain the type of friends that everyone wants to have! Let’s get to work!
These are the life-changing ways to develop positive relationships in your life!
Best Tips for Positive Relationships
1. Be Confident
When first meeting someone, the first thing you will notice is their confidence level. How a person walks and carries themself when entering a room will be at the forefront.
When you exclude confidence, you are telling others that you are interesting and likable. Confident people will be naturally attracted to you!
So why would confidence matter so much when it comes to building and sustaining positive relationships? Because if you carry confidence, then what you don’t have is a need for validation and affirmation from another human being. Most who lack confidence don’t have positive relationships because they are constantly withdrawing and never depositing.
If you struggle with not being confident in yourself, this is a way to attract people to you that only want you because you “need” them. It’s how most co-dependent relationships are formed. Sadly, having low self-worth will cause you to be attracted to those who carry narcissistic behaviors. We all know those types of relationships are rarely if ever, referred to as positive ones.
If you want to be valued in relationships and friendships, you must first see your value and your worth without them. Once you see how awesome you are (because you really are incredible and unique and valuable), you can bring value and meaning to your relationships. Most of the time, you will get back what you have given. If you know your worth and you happen to run into someone who doesn’t appreciate it, you will move on. You have the confidence to know that you can make it without them.
2. Give More Than You Expect to Receive
People that have the healthiest positive relationships in their lives are very giving toward those they love. Not only must you know your own value, but you must value those around you deeply and be willing to meet them more than halfway in the moments where they need you most.
To put it quite simply, selfish people do not develop quality friendships or relationships. We must constantly be thinking of ways to be better friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, spouses, or parents. Positive relationships will develop as we value those around us as much, if not more than they do us.
Take time to get to know those you are in relationships with. Do you know what they love to do? What makes them happy or sad? What is their love language? (Take the test here!)
I am not saying give until you are resentful, but I’m simply saying make sure those around you know that you value them.
3. positive relationships require honesty
Anytime you find yourself in a relationship that requires you to lie or hide your true feelings, you are not in a good place within it. Lying or concealing your true feelings in relationships is unhealthy. With that behavior, you cannot expect others to feel free to be themselves with you either.
Honesty is always the best policy. If you have messed up and done something that would cause your relationship to be damaged, honesty is the best choice. Really, it’s your only hope of authentic restoration.
If the person has hurt you by their actions, being honest with them will give you the best possibility of not being hurt by them in the same way again.
(Check out this post I wrote on forgiving others for additional help with that)
Creating an environment in relationships where people feel safe to be themselves, without anger and backlash, is developing mutual respect and connection at its core. As you become more open, honest, and truthful in your relationships, positive relationships will be the fruit of your labor!
4. Be helpful
When seeking positive relationships, our focus is often on what we can gain from that relationship. It’s important to know what we want out of a relationship, but that cannot be our primary focus when seeking out positive relationships.
One of the components for positive relationships to flourish is that you both see each other as valuable and worth sacrificing time, energy, and resources. When you value someone, you will help them no matter how inconvenient it is.
Some practical examples of this are running errands for them, taking them some soup when they are sick, keeping their kids, and helping them pack and move.
A personal example of this in my own life; I recently hosted a birthday party for my 7-year-old, and without me even having to ask, my friends started helping me as soon as they arrived. I know without a doubt that I would do the same for them.
Positive relationships can never co-exist with selfishness. The best relationships flourish when everyone is receiving as well as giving.
Be as helpful as you can in your relationships, and you will develop positive ones that give back to you.
5. be caring
I am sure by now you’ve figured out that developing positive relationships has a lot to do with the type of person you choose to be in it. Being caring is just another selfless act leading to the positive relationships you seek.
You may say, “I have been caring in the past and got hurt by the people I loved.” Here’s the thing, there will always be people who don’t value you and what you offer, and those people will come and go as you figure out who they are. However, if you are ever going to have positive relationships, they will all grow in the soil of caring deeply for one another.
When they hurt, you hurt. When a friend is struggling with a problem, you work to help them find a solution. They do the same for you. When you need a shoulder to cry on, they will be there for you. When you need advice, they are there to lend the wisdom you need.
We all desire, on some level, to be loved and cared for with no trace of selfishness. In the end, we are cared for, and we care.
6. be forgiving
It is impossible to have positive relationships without continuing to forgive one another.
Because we are all created differently and view life through our lenses, every relationship will hold some stock in disappointments. What matters is how we handle our disagreements and hurts.
What creates a great divide between friends and relationships is often our lack of communication with one another. Instead of walking through the process of forgiveness with those we love, we would rather ignore the problem altogether.
Intimacy and closeness require transparency. Lack of forgiveness will eventually cause positive relationships to diminish and turn into less authentic ones.
Healthy relationships develop best in an environment of forgiveness. In my article on forgiving those who hurt you, I talk about the importance of humility in the process. Positive relationships thrive when everyone remains humble, realizing they are not perfect either.
7. Be loyal and trustworthy
Loyalty and trustworthiness are perhaps the most valued yet overlooked qualities of a positive relationship. Shallow relationships can be spotted quickly when one person easily complains or degrades another to a third party. Should the secrets in one relationship get shared in another, loyalty and trust dissolve.
The mark of a valued relationship or friendship is the amount of loyalty one has to the other. What do you say about them when they are not around? More importantly, how do you allow others to speak about them in their absence? Loyalty defends in criticism, is private with rebuke, and honors in public.
In the context of a romantic relationship, loyal can also mean FAITHFUL. Positive relationships between spouses or significant others fall into a different category on this point. In this instance, it means you are to be faithful with your eyes, heart, mind, and body.
As both parties are loyal to one another, the fruit of that will be trust. It is inconceivable that a positive relationship can ever exist without trust.
8. check in
Nothing can be more harmful to a positive relationship than not communicating. As a person who has lived a long distance from family and friends for years, checking in has been the key to maintaining positive relationships.
Schedules can be hectic I know, but for positive relationships to flourish in your life you must value them enough to cultivate them. It can be a simple as answering the phone when they call, even if just to say, “I can’t talk right now, sorry.” The act of answering shows you care.
An example of checking in is what I do with my friends who are moms. We schedule a time to talk after our kids are asleep. Our talks may be one hour or three, but no matter what – we make the time.
It’s not easy to have a positive relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to value you enough to check-in. It’s impossible to have a long-term relationship with someone like that.
Checking in is a way of showing those you love that you care about their lives, wellbeing, and ultimately having a relationship with them. Not to do so, shows the opposite.
Lastly, checking in should be a goal of yours and not just a standard. If someone isn’t checking in with you, show that you value them by doing it first.
9. be present
Positive relationships need a great deal of communication. In a world of technology and smartphones, it is so easy to be distracted.
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and they are constantly picking up their phone or staring off into space? How did that make you feel? Remember that experience the next time you pick yours up or aren’t intently listening when spending time with others.
Being present isn’t just about being physically present, but also your mental presence. Removing distractions such as an over-cluttered mind or your cell phone can show a person that you value them.
Listening carefully to what’s on their heart without the intent to solve or fix their problems is another way to show them you care.
We can do many things right, but perhaps it is in vain if we are not mentally attentive in our relationships! All positive relationships hinge on the fact that both parties are building it and not just maintaining it.
Developing positive relationships is hard work and can take years to cultivate. Quite simply, if you value positive relationships, then you will not only seek them out, but you will also work for them.
With the help of these 9 tips, you are sure to transform those valued relationships in your life into the positive ones you desire them to be!
Let me know in the comments below how these tips helped you!
Saying Goodbye to Anxious,
Kristina G.
