Others opinions of us can be a helpful tool for gauging how well we socialize and interact. However, there are situations and circumstances where we can find ourselves caring way too much!
Here are 7 Signs that you care wayyy too much about others opinions of you!
Over the last year, I've experienced much inner healing as I walked through some deeply personal memories and pains with a counselor. As I healed, one of the things I noticed most prominently in my personality was a change in the degree to which I concerned myself with others opinions. Because it has been so liberating to experience healing in this area, I want to share what I lived with for at least 20 years in hopes that it will help you if you struggle with this too!
Here are 7 Signs that Others Opinions matter too much to you!
You ALWAYS need a second opinion.
I think the word always is really important to emphasize here.
It's healthy to ask others what their opinion is to some degree, but what I'm referring to here is an excessive NEED for it. For example, when the buck stops with you on an issue, you need to implore more and more opinions because you aren't comfortable with your ability to make that final decision. That inability to make clear decisions independently of others shows a deep need for affirmation and highlights a lowered self-esteem or image.
Honestly, I still struggle with this to some degree. One of the most common things I say to my husband is, "what do you think about that?" He usually replies, "I don't know; I'm tired of making decisions for you. Just decide!"
Personally, the fear of making decisions comes from the deep root of the fear of rejection. I didn't want to make a wrong decision because I didn't want others to see me as incapable.
If you care too much about what others think, you will almost always struggle to feel confident in your choices, opinions, and decisions.
Ultimately, the more inner healing we experience, the more confident we become in ourselves, and consequently, we will become better decision-makers.
You overanalyze every conversation you have.
UGH!! This one is the WORST! I've recently seen so many people post about this in memes, and I couldn't relate more!
I always thought I was super caring when I would internally process everything I had discussed with others. Still, usually, all it did was invite anxiety and panic for days on end. I regretted most of what I said and would usually go and apologize "if it was taken the wrong way." The friend would usually come back with, "oh no, I didn't take it that way at all."
Once I started to become more confident in myself as a result of healing from previous pains that had caused damage to my confidence, this was one of the first things to go.
I noticed the peace I would feel when I got off a phone call with friends. All my conversations felt more pleasant and life-giving. Suddenly the years of overanalyzing felt like a prison I was released from after 20 years or more. The feeling was liberating and unbelievable!
If you struggle with overanalyzing conversations, consider that it could be something more than just being a caring person. Trust me; if you experience intense anxiety associated with it, it's probably not just you "caring too much." Pray about it. Seek counseling and see if you can find the root of it.
The freedom you'll feel after healing is WORTH IT!
You alter your appearance or speech around specific individuals.
There's nothing wrong with being modest or dressing for the occasion, but when we do so to the detriment of our personalities because of what someone else might think of us, we care too much about what others think.
As sad as it may seem, when we care too much about others opinions, we will "edit" ourselves to feel accepted.
Whether in physical appearance or sharing our opinions, editing ourselves for others will never lead to a fulfilling relationship or friendship.
When I became more comfortable and sure of myself, I found it easier to stop questioning who would be around, so I knew how to dress or if it was better to just stay quiet if I was around someone I knew would disagree with me on most topics.
The truth is, you should never care SO much about what someone thinks that you decide to lessen the degree to which you are yourself around them.
People either love you for who you are, or you're not their cup of tea, in which case, it's perfectly ok, and you can move on and find the people who love you for you.
You feel uncomfortable and awkward in unplanned social situations.
Have you ever been at someone's house and you're just chillin' and having a good time when some other friend of your friends shows up with a group of their friends, and you suddenly feel ultra uncomfortable?
This is a tell-tale sign that you care way too much about others opinions of you!
One of the ways I started to overcome this in my own life was to ask myself these questions and speak these statements to myself (maybe ask yourself these and declare these too) :
You constantly worry about offending others and apologize frequently.
I can tell you story after story of moments in my early 20s when I would, like clockwork, call my friends just 20-30 minutes after leaving their house and apologize about something I had said or done.
I did this ALL. THE. TIME. To the point that it became kind of annoying to my friends, and they would passively joke me about it.
When I think back on my experience with excessively apologizing, it makes me sad for my former self.
It wasn't just that I cared too much about others or that their opinions of me mattered too much. No, I also had zero confidence in my ability to hold a conversation in which I wouldn't say something I regretted later.
This fear of what others might be thinking of me boiled down to a lack of confidence in myself and who I was created to be.
I am sometimes loud, very extroverted, make jokes that I laugh harder at than anyone else, and am actually very opinionated. The fact that I apologized so much for being myself makes me sad.
I'm so relieved that I no longer feel a need to do that.
You are incredibly envious of people who are 100% themselves.
If I was ever asked who I admired most in life, my answer was never the prettiest or most fashionable woman. She wasn't the richest or most popular. Nope, I always admired confident women. Women who were 100 % themselves at all times, no matter where they were or who they were around.
In fact, I still do admire them.
For years I saw women with confidence in a room, and all I could do was sit and marvel at their bravery and courage. Courage to be themselves. Boldness to speak their minds. I was envious and wanted to be like that.
Years later, instead of dreaming of being like them, I strive to be the confident woman in a room. The woman who is 100% herself at all times.
When you care too much about others opinions, you feel envious of those who don't care as much. It's not that you want to be them but that your deepest desire is to be brave like them.
Articles on Confidence:
You never feel entirely ok to be yourself.
When you fear others opinions of you, it's hard to feel ok to be yourself in just about every setting you ever find yourself in.
If you're anything like I was, you may prefer being alone (even if you are extroverted) because those are the moments you feel most free and relaxed.
When I began healing how I saw myself and became more comfortable in my own skin, one of the things I noticed about myself was the amount of mental energy that I could sustain throughout the day.
It's exhausting to be a people pleaser. It's even more exhausting if you have a family and are also trying to "edit" them.
Being yourself, unapologetically, isn't selfish. It's freeing. Turns out, you can be both kind and thoughtful of others while also being yourself all simultaneously. Who knew?
If you struggle with worrying about others opinions of you, I hope you leave this article feeling, at the very least, more understood.
I also hope you will see this article as a sign of hope that you don't have to continue living that way.
The world needs YOU to be you! After all, God created you uniquely and put you with the group of family and friends you have for a reason. You have so much to offer.
Let me know in the comments below how this might have helped you! What are some ways that you struggle with others opinions?
Share this with someone you know who might need the encouragement!
Saying Goodbye to Anxious,
Kristina G.
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