Have you ever wondered what caused you to have low self esteem? What if the cause is something so much more than just your negative thoughts toward yourself? These are the top causes of low self esteem that you need to know!
Having low self esteem can make every part of life difficult and unfulfilling. Lacking confidence can hinder your relationships, goals, dreams, opportunities, and even your career. Working on your self esteem is critical to living in a place of healthy mental wellness!
This post is all about the top reasons you are dealing with low self esteem! You can use this article to identify and overcome your insecurities and uncover the exceptional person you are!
Let's say goodbye to low self esteem, hello to confidence! The sooner you do, the better life will be!
These are the 11 Hidden Causes of Low Self Esteem that you need to know about!
Top Low Self Esteem Causes
1. low self-worth
Most people are aware that self-confidence issues are one of the causes of low self esteem and often consider low self-worth in the same category. However, they are totally different.
Having low self-confidence means that you are lacking confidence in your abilities. In contrast to that, having low self-worth is lacking confidence in your value as a person.
Many people who lack self-worth do so in secret, and they may not even be aware of it. Some situational indicators you may have Low self-worth are:
- You rarely dream because all your dreams seem too big for you.
- It is hard for you to receive praise for a job well done.
- You interview for a job and see 5 people behind you lined up for an interview for the same position and automatically assume they are all more qualified than you.
- When you take a test, you automatically think you failed even though you studied for hours.
- Despite being trained to do something, you still question whether you can do it.
- You could possibly find yourself in toxic relationships where you are badly treated because your value for yourself has left you seeking for it in others.
Having low self-worth means that you do not value yourself, and therefore there is no expectation that others will either.
Finding your self-worth is an inner work, and no one can change that for you. Try using these journal prompts on this printable to help you start to see your value.
2. Living in your past mistakes
Dwelling on our past decisions in life can do more than just leave us bitter, angry, or frustrated. Living in our own personal mistakes can leave us with low self esteem. Regret can be a hard place to live in, and it can also be an even more difficult place to get ourselves out of.
For me, it was regret for my teenage rebellion. I was a regular teenager for the most part, except my 17th year of life. I am not sure of the reason, but that year I decided to live a very careless lifestyle. It was very uncharacteristic of me.
I made decisions that I would regret for YEARS into adulthood. Some I viewed as disqualifying me to help others, my ultimate dream in life. This all was a lie, of course. Nothing really ever disqualifies you from helping others.
Maybe you have a dream too but live in regret to the point of allowing those dreams to be suffocated by low self-esteem. If that is you, I want to recommend talking to someone and working your way through your past decisions to the point of healing.
Here are some great resources for that! You can do it! You deserve to be free!
3. negative self-talk
causes low self esteem
Low self esteem is evident when a person talks negatively about themselves to others, but MANY people talk bad to themselves when no one sees. They may pick themselves apart in a mirror, call themselves stupid when they google how to spell an easy 5 letter word, and maybe even joke about how much of a klutz they are.
All of this constitutes negative self-talk. All of it will eventually lead to low self esteem in your life in one area or another. Here are some examples of ways you can talk kindlier to yourself!
- What you say: “I hate this about my body.”
- What you should say: “I am working on loving this about my body.”
- What you say: “Ugh, I’m so dumb I’m terrible at spelling.”
- What you should say: “I am becoming better at spelling every day.”
- What you say: “I am such a klutz, ugh, I hate how clumsy I am.”
- What you should say: “I used to be pretty clumsy, but I’m getting so much better!”
- What you say: “I suck at that!”
- What you should say: “I’m learning and getting better every day!”
- What you say: “I am so flabby!”
- What you should say: “I’m going to tone this up one day!”
These are just a few practical and easy ways to improve your self-talk and lift your low self esteem. There are tons of ways you can talk better to yourself. Try changing some little things about your self-talk and watch your confidence rise!
4. having the wrong diet
For YEARS I struggled with this, and for most of my life, I have had the wrong diet. It has negatively impacted my already low self esteem.
Everything changed for me when I tried the vegan diet for a while, and though not vegan now, it showed me that getting rid of processed foods and sugars could impact my mental wellness in incredible ways.
As time passed, I tried several other diets, and I finally found the ketogenic diet (clean version). This eliminates processed sugars and carbohydrates from my diet. The mental clarity, focus that I gained, and bodily bloat that I lost transformed my self esteem in ways that otherwise never would have happened.
Being intentional about the types of foods you put in your body is vital to your mental health and self esteem. Studies have shown links between what we eat and how our brain functions.
We must be intentional about what we eat, no matter what diet we choose. Our low self esteem and mental health journey could be turned around just by letting go of foods that trigger thoughts and feelings we would prefer not to have.
Here are some articles about your diet and your mental health!
If you struggle with Emotional Eating, I wrote this article to help you with that. Check it out!
5. having an unrealistic view of success
I am sure I’m not the only one who struggles to find a healthy view of success which is why I’ve included this in my list of low self esteem causes. Often our unobtainable expectations of what a successful person looks like can drive us toward low self esteem. We feel like we can never grasp the success we seek. Defining success is one of those things that look different for everyone.
Do we feel like a failure for not receiving that promotion? For not being able to build our dream home and decorate it to perfection like our best friend from high school just did? What if our view of success was in the everyday wins and not the big WOW moments?
What do you think would happen to your self esteem if you decided that success for you was something small, like making your children lunch for school or helping your grandma buy her groceries? We often look at people in the Fortune 500 and think, “now that is successful!” What if we started to measure our success by happiness, joy, and fulfillment instead of the success of others?
You will begin to realize that happiness does not lie in the big things but all the small things that add up over time. It is in the everyday moments.
Like teaching your kids something new and bringing a smile to their little faces, and it is in phone calls from your grandmother just to say “I love you,” because you know those will not last forever. It’s in the “thank you” from your spouse because you did something to make their life a little less stressful.
It is in all those little things. Success is what you define it as not what others say it is. Lift your low self esteem by defining success for yourself and resting in that definition of it.
6. having unreasonable standard of perfection
Having an unreasonable standard of perfection is so damaging to your self esteem. This is probably the most common cause of low self esteem among women.
In the age of social media, we have all adapted to comparing our everyday lives to another person's highlight reel. Though social media has its perks, it can be bad for our mental health and self esteem if we set our standards by it.
When we have an unreasonable view of what perfection is, then we never seem to measure up. We never feel good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, wealthy enough, trendy enough, and the list goes on and on.
It is good to have goals, but so toxic to your self esteem to hold perfection as your standard. No one is perfect. Not a single person on earth has it all together. Their kids are not perfect, their marriage is not perfect, and they still get bad breath in the morning.
When you feel yourself setting completely elusive goals and judging yourself by impossible standards, it is time to lay down social media. Grab a journal and start measuring your life by the merit of happiness and not perfection!
Here is more info on social media and your mental health
7. Undiagnosed mental health issues
Over the years, our society has taken great strides toward removing the stigma of mental illness. Taking that negative sigma away has opened opportunities for people to feel free to discuss mental illness. Yet still, many mental health issues go undiagnosed.
One of the things you may not realize when it comes to having low self esteem is that the thoughts and feelings you have could be due to anxiety, depression, and many other mental health issues. Lacking self-confidence could be because you are dealing with an undiagnosed hormonal imbalance.
If you have often wondered where your self esteem issues could be coming from and you have difficulty identifying it, it could be an undiagnosed medical issue.
Low self esteem should not be something you have to live with day after day. Discuss some of these issues with your doctor. You can even google the thoughts you are having to see if others are experiencing the same things!
check out this article on mental health symptoms
8. Lack of Healthy Relationships
We are all involved in relationships to some degree. Whatever relationships we find ourselves in, there is a great need for them to be healthy and positive.
It is hard to maintain a good self-image and exude confidence when continuing in relationships where you do not feel valued or loved.
We commonly place our value in what others think of us. Being in unhealthy relationships and doing that can cause us to end up having low self esteem.
It is difficult to stop this from happening, so we need to develop and maintain positive relationships. I have written a great article on this topic and will link it below!
Relationships are a vital piece of the puzzle when it comes to your self esteem.
Article on Relationships:
9. envy
Envy starts with a glance into someone's life and slowly turns into discontentment with our own. Anytime we start comparing ourselves to others, we put ourselves into a dangerous position to become unsatisfied and start to subconsciously belittle our own lives.
This is so easy to do when it comes to our body image and possessions, but the place I struggle the most with this is in parenting. I look at how well behaved someone kid is, or how little sally just memorized an entire book of the Bible, and I feel envious.
How did that mom get her kid to do that? That mom really worked hard to make sure her kid had the perfectly decorated, Pinterest-inspired, birthday party! Why can’t I be more like her?
The truth is, none of this is healthy, and it only leads me to low self esteem as I mull over all the things that other moms are that I am not.
Instead of being grateful for our lives, enjoying each moment, and savoring the time we have with our small children, we let envy take over. Envy can take on many faces and show itself in various ways, but it all leads to one dramatic end, low self esteem.
10. toxic work environment
Having a good working relationship with your co-workers and your boss is essential to your mental health. If you dread working every day because you may be yelled at, talked down to, or even called names, then this is the exact type of work environment that will drive you to low self esteem.
You will be questioning your value and worth by the end of that experience unless, of course, everyone else also gets the same treatment as you do.
I remember working at a bank when I was 18 years old and newly married (yes, I said newly married, lol), and my boss had it out for me.
I'm really not entirely sure why she didn't like me, but one day it reached its peak, and I was SURE she hated me. I typed in something wrong because it was a new system, and my boss proceeded to ask me if I was "stupid or something." I remember how low I felt at that moment. She asked me that in front of everyone, including a customer I was on the phone with.
After that, I cried nearly every day, and asked God to help me find a new job. My self esteem had taken a fall into a bottomless dark pit. It wasn't until 5 years later that I learned what a difference a positive work environment can make on your low self esteem.
You must find a place of work that values you, acknowledges your strengths, and partners with you to work on your weaknesses. It's ok to want another job and even leave a toxic work environment.
If you're afraid to take the next step, pray and ask God to help you find a better position where your gifts and talents are appreciated.
FOR MORE INFO ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF A GOOD WORKING ENVIRONMENT, HERE IS AN ARTICLE THAT MIGHT INTEREST YOU!
11. fear of rejection
Low self esteem is a consequence of fear of rejection. When we fear rejection, we fear not receiving validation, not being accepted, getting left out, ignored, or merely tolerated.
The fear of rejection affects every area of a person's life that suffers, but it is most damaging to self-esteem! This impacts their jobs, family and romantic relationships, friendships, and even hopes and dreams.
If you suffer from a fear of rejection, it is likely deep-seated in some sort of trauma and pain or other mental illness. I would highly recommend that you seek counseling for this.
For years, I suffered in silence with a fear of rejection. If I would have sought counseling sooner, I could have had years of my life back that were spent in torment and anguish with each interaction with others or opportunity for advancement.
I blamed it all on low self esteem, but really it was the fear itself that was causing my low self esteem.
Here are some great resources about
the fear of rejection that may help you!
These are the 11 hidden causes of low self esteem that you need to be educated about!
Low self esteem is debilitating to your daily life. It can rob you of acknowledging all the blessings you've been given because you are too busy focused inwardly. You deserve to live with confidence and enjoy the life you've been given!
Let me know in the comments below how this article helped you! What are some of the causes you've found most prevalent in your life for low self esteem?
Saying Goodbye to Anxious,
Kristina G.
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