We've heard that having high expectations will give you the life you always wanted, but what if it does the exact opposite? What if it makes you unhappy with the happiest life you could possibly have? Is it possible that your expectations are actually causing an unhealthy view of perfection that can never be obtained?
Here are 4 ways that high expectations can damage your progress!
"I feel attacked," is a saying I've seen a lot recently. Often, it's used when something is funny and incredibly accurate to a person's life. That saying comes to mind when I think of high expectations and perfectionism.
I've lived most of my life with a list of high expectations for myself and others. How others should act. How I should live... etc. Though they are often unverbalized (even to me), they are there. For years I have handled my high expectations not being met in several ways, but most often, I process them as rejection, disappointment, and worst of all, despair.
It has been my experience that high expectations have done more harm than good to my progress in life.
In this article, I want to share the top 4 ways high expectations can damage and even hinder our progress in life!
The Dangers of High Expectations
#1 High Expectations Create
a False Sense of Reality
On my journey to self-discovery, purpose, and confidence, I discovered that I needed to lay down expectations to move forward in life. Yep, I know, shocker! Me too, friend. Let go of expectations? WHAT on earth?! How? Why?
Expectations on their surface seem reasonable, but what if the truth is that no one, not even you, can meet the idea of perfection that you have?
Expectations can often create a false sense of reality for the life we want.
Here's the reality of expectations... they are mostly, if not all, unrealistic. We hold ourselves to standards that we, actually no one, can meet. We hold others to standards that we cannot meet.
So, what do we do???
We see expectations for what they are... a striving for perfection.
Having dreams, goals, and even standards are incredible for life, but having high expectations of ourselves and others can create an idea of life that simply isn't real.
One way to identify a false sense of reality is never being satisfied with life, always looking for the next big thing to bring you joy. The truth is, joy is a spiritual work and will never come from outward circumstances. Your reality should be LIVED and not fanaticized about. You'll find contentment in what is real when you let go of what's not.
OTHER ARTICLES ON EXPECTATIONS YOU MAY ENJOY!
How to Lower Your Expectations | Psychology Today
Happiness Tip: Lower Your Expectations | Christine Carter
#2 THEY often lead to
NO SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT
For years, with every accomplishment, I've believed that there must be more. Often, when we have set expectations for a goal, achievement, or victory in our lives, we imagine what it will feel like when we get there. Only to be disappointed when the feelings we have afterward don't match our expectations.
"Surely, I will experience fulfillment like never before," we say. Then, our accomplishments come, and the feeling is momentary, and they go, and we are left striving for more.
As football star Tom Brady once said after winning 3 super bowls,
"God, there's gotta be more than this!"
When our expectations are too high or misplaced, we feel a sense of longing for more even when we meet them. We experience a sense that our accomplishments weren't enough. Worst yet, if we don't meet them, we can feel an overwhelming sense of failure.
So, what do we do???
We show up each day as our authentic selves, and no matter the outcome, we trust that we are accomplishing all we should.
Showing up every day, doing your best, and believing that your best is enough is a critical step in letting go of certain expectations and finally feeling a sense of fulfillment.
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#3 High Expectations cause us to live in a
CONSTANT STATE OF DISAPPOINTMENT
Having unrealistic expectations causes us a lot of disappointment.
Have you ever met someone who literally seems to complain about everything? Nothing ever seems good enough for them. Often, their lives seem much better than they would ever really give credit for. They live in disappointment with themselves and others. This is most likely due to unmet expectations.
So, what do we do???
We intentionally stop putting expectations on everything. Again, we do our best and leave the outcome to God.
Living in disappointment can cause us to always live dissatisfied. Though no one likes to admit it, being dissatisfied is, at its very core, being ungrateful.
Try putting gratitude practices into place to help you overcome disappointment. Begin looking at your expectations more realistically.
The more you release expectations, the less likely you will live in the disappointment of unmet ones.
OTHER ARTICLES RELATED TO DISAPPOINTMENT!
5 MISTAKES TO AVOID WHEN FEELING DISCOURAGED
11 HIDDEN CAUSES OF LOW SELF ESTEEM
#4 THEY create
disconnection in relationships
For this point, I want to get personal because I feel it could really offer some freedom for you!
When I became a mother, I never realized the lengthy expectations I had for myself, my daughter, and our relationship. I expected to be the best mother on the planet and for her to love me endlessly for it. I expected perfection because I COULD and WOULD make that happen. (It's a laughable expectation now that I say it out loud, but it was true nonetheless!)
Most days, my expectations led me to a place of disappointment and ultimately disconnection with her when she started to have her own thoughts and opinions. Sometimes she didn't want to cuddle. Often, she wanted to play with her daddy instead of me. I got a lot more frustrated than I thought I would with a messy house or having to ask her to do something repeatedly.
My view of our perfect life was constantly violated. Because she is a child, I couldn't blame her, so I turned inward.
Thoughts like, "you must be a horrible mother," or "all your friends are better moms than you," would creep into my mind.
These thoughts kept me from being present. I constantly expected more from myself as a mom, and I was never perfect enough. When I had done everything perfectly, I would turn the blame for my unmet expectations on my husband. Surely, It was someone's fault that we weren't, dare I say it, perfect!
It wasn't until I realized that I had concocted a false sense of reality through high expectations that I saw the amount of disconnection I had caused in my family relationships.
So, what did i do???
I decided to stop putting expectations on what a mother-daughter relationship was supposed to look like and just live in the moment of the one I'd been given. I decided to be present with her and take each moment for what it was. I decided to show up as myself, authentically and unapologetically. And you know what happened?! Connection. Love and connection with my husband and with my daughters (I have two now).
When we stop expecting so much and just live in the given moments, we form a connection and perpetuate love. And love, that's the best gift of all!
OTHER ARTICLES RELATED TO RELATIONSHIPS!
BEST 9 TIPS FOR POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS
EXPRESSING EMOTIONS IN CONFLICT | THE BEST STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE
If we aren't careful, our own expectations can become the place of our greatest struggles, especially when it comes to our mental and emotional health. Putting high and often unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others can be the source of our most significant pain. We must remember that standards and boundaries aren't the same as expectations. If we really want to live a powerful and joy-filled life, we should live in the present, and we can only do that when we decide to take each day as it comes, not how we think it should.
These have been the 4 reasons your expectations are holding you back!
Journal some of your expectations that may be holding you back from true fulfillment. Let me know in the comments below how this helped you.
