Healthily expressing emotions in conflict is critical to your Mental Health. If you struggle with an emotional outburst, rage, self-isolation, or other unhealthy emotional behaviors, this article is for you. This is the best step-by-step guide to expressing emotions in conflict!
There is no perfect way of expressing emotions, but there are healthy ways to do so. We all have different personalities and preferences. As unique as we are, we all have this one thing in common though, if we do not healthily express our emotions, more harm can be done than not.
There is no question as to whether we will express our emotions, but when and how. If we can learn to control how we reveal them, we will better communicate what is really in our hearts to those around us. Getting across our true feelings and intentions is always the goal when expressing our emotions.
These are the top healthiest ways of expressing emotions that will change your life!
Guide to Expressing Emotions
Remain Quiet momentarily
The first thing you have to do when healthily expressing emotions is to remain quiet. If you are angry, hurt, enraged, or have any other similar feelings, it's always best to slow down, reflect, and choose your words and actions wisely.
When we are highly emotional, there is a good chance that we will overreact. Remember, the goal is to properly communicate our true feelings so that the pain or hurt is not repetitive.
Walk away
Probably one of the most difficult for me is to walk away. If you're anything like me, when you feel a flood of emotions hit you, the last thing you want to do is walk in the other direction.
There is no occasion where walking away if even for a brief moment, won't benefit you. Stepping away gives you a moment to breathe and take in all that you are feeling. It will hopefully produce some clarity of mind and keep you from putting your foot in your mouth.
Also, it's always good to communicate your desire to step away from a situation so that the other person gives you the space you need.
find a place to be alone
It's easy to drag a third party into an intensely emotional situation, but this is something you want to avoid at all costs. It is natural to want someone to side with you but not always healthy. It can escalate an already intense situation.
Find a quiet place if possible to rest your mind, calm down, and begin to process your thoughts and feelings.
breathe
Once you are alone and in a place to start to calm down, the first thing you will want to do is breathe.
There are many benefits to breathing deeply. Breathing can lower your heart rate (which is usually elevated when angry or upset). It also reduces your blood pressure and reduces stress.
Calming yourself down is the first real step to regulating your emotions.
Here are some deep breathing techniques that you may find helpful.
Work through irrational
thoughts and feelings.
For some reason, in heated moments, the first thing our mind does is jump to overreacting. Just because you have remained silent, walked away, found a place to be alone, and started to breathe, doesn't mean you are exempt from that.
Often times our minds are racing with irrational thoughts. Some examples are: walking away from relationships, quitting a job, dumping a friendship, and the worst of all can be the self-deprecating thoughts.
Though some of these thoughts may be rational, being highly sensitive, it is not the time to dwell on them. Clear those thoughts out so that you can begin to work through your actual pain or disappointment.
Telling yourself that these thoughts are only temporary and you need clarity takes some self-awareness and self-control.
Here are some tips to help you become more self-aware!
cool down & get some fresh air.
Another great way to get into a level-headed place when you feel frustrated and emotional is to take a walk, get some fresh air, and maybe even listen to some music while you do!
There's a reason why going for a walk can help you in expressing emotions. Walking reduces stress because it gets blood flowing to your brain!
Sometimes all you need to cool down is a change of scenery and fresh surroundings. Being highly emotional can feel suffocating. Getting out into nature can help to open up your airways and reduce the chance of panic.
For more info on walking for your mental health, you can click here!
expressing emotions in writing
Journaling is my go-to for just about everything to do with mental health and wellness! Based on 15 years of experience, I believe that the safest way to get your emotions out is in some form of writing.
I've never heard anyone talk about how they felt better when they kept everything in. Suppressing your feelings and emotions can be toxic to developing healthy relationships!
Here are some of my top tips for positive relationships!
I realize that expressing emotions via writing can seem intimidating to people who don't love to write, but remember this is for your personal use only. For those who aren't into writing, I recommend you write your thoughts out as a list, no details, just start with a list of emotions you are feeling. It will help you better identify what your real hurts are.
Click here to for my free printable to help you get started!
find a way of expressing emotions safely
Once you have had some time to calm down, you need to find a productive way of expressing your emotions to the person who hurt you.
You may need to start by first forgiving the person for the hurt they've caused you. Believe it or not, you can prepare ahead of time to forgive them before they even apologize. I have an entire article on forgiving that can help you with that process.
The Ultimate Guide To Forgiving Someone.
Here are some suggestions of ways you can healthily express your emotions to others.
approach them and talk it out
Once you have cooled off, you can talk to the person who hurt you directly. I highly recommend doing so in a very calm and collected way. If you feel that you can't successfully do that, it's good to hold off for a bit or try one of the other options below.
Again, there are some great tips in my article on forgiveness that I recommend reading if the emotions you are feeling are deep-seated in pain that someone else has caused you.
call them and work it out
There is no shame in talking things out over the phone. In fact, depending on the other person's personality, it may be more comfortable for them. Some people hate conflict and avoid it at all costs.
Creating an environment where both parties can easily escape the conversation if needed makes it easier for those who hate conflict or have negative experiences with it.
express emotions through a letter
We all have those times in our lives when a conflict or disagreement can be so emotional, so intense, so disheartening that we have a hard time expressing emotions healthily at all.
It seems that those moments cause us much panic and despair as we prepare to meet face to face or even call the person. No need to overwhelm yourself in those moments. No need to put yourself in the uncomfortable position of direct conflict.
Some may tell you that writing a letter is an easy way out. The honest truth is, it's a safe way to get started, not an easy out.
Before your feelings can be expressed in a note, go through the proper steps above. Once you have cleared your heart and mind, you can begin expressing emotions healthily.
When you write, you should make sure to articulate your feelings well. Do not write a letter that is full of name-calling and accusation. This will not result in the conflict-resolution you desire.
Writing a letter can be one of the most beautiful ways to display your emotions and feelings. It can be pure and empty of irrational thoughts and feelings. Use this helpful tool not just as a last resort but as a safe option when you feel out of control!
Conflict is inevitable, and being emotional in those moments is unpredictable. You can use this step-by-step guide for expressing emotions to help you overcome all unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict.
Let me know in the comments below how this article helped you!
Saying Goodbye to Anxious,
Kristina G.
